honestly, i could never imagine that it would come to this. i was really hoping that we could work something out. i thought we're gonna get together in the end. turns out, it isn't gonna be.
the night when we talked about it, when you told me that i shouldn't put in much effort if i don't wanna get hurt. i was really hurt and disappointed when you said that. cause i've been putting and giving everything i could give to you, yet you said this. it was really demoralising. it's like you're saving money to buy something you really desire, only to find out that it was sold off when you almost collected enough money for it. don't get me wrong. i'm not equating you to stuff. just wanna illustrate how demotivate it felt at that time. that night, i didn't sleep. we ended our conversation at 4am and i was awake, rolling on the bed until 12pm. it hurts cause it felt like you didn't recognise my effort, more so when u gave a chance to another guy. i felt like a fool cause it's like all the while you don't see what i've been doing for you. but nonetheless, i still want us to be friends. though it's difficult. but we promised that.
but after that night i was confused. i didn't know whether to move on or wait. i don't know if it's worth waiting, but at the same time i don't wanna regret making any rash decisions. as the days go by, i just felt we're drifting away. we're not the same anymore, it's like we're obliging ourselves to talk to each other. i hate that feeling, i want us to be the same again. if only you haven't suddenly disappear right after that time, things might still be the same. but yet again, if i were to be more understanding this might not happen. i was confuse, i don't know whether to move on or not.
after last night, after the talked we had. i've decided to move on. cause it's something you want me to do as well. and i think that it's better if we have a break from each other. maybe a while away from each other, we'll be able to move on with our own lives. right now i admit, there's someone that came into my life. and i wouldn't deny that i have some feelings for her. it won't be fair if i make her wait as well, cause i know it sucks to wait for a long time. that's why i asked you last night, i wanted you to say something so that i would still continue wait for you. but you didn't, and i have to take this step. i'll have to move on, and i hope you do too. not saying that we love each other and promise to spend our lives together all those, but i'm sure deep down there's some feelings there.
i don't know what to say anymore, i think you felt the same as well. it's such a waste cause it could be a perfect story. no point saying that now i guess. and when you said i might be happier with someone else, i can't remember what i said. but now i'll say that i might be happier, but at the same time i might be happier if with you. i can't really tell what's gonna happen, and i've chosen this decision now. i can't afford to think that i will regret it in the future. i might, but i don't wanna think of that now. it's just isn't the right time for us. if it happened earlier, then it would be a whole different story. but who knows...
quoting a line from your favourite song, "i wish nothing but the best for you". and i really hope that after some time apart from each other, we can go back to how we used to be. how we act childish with each other. how we can talk random things and go on the whole night. probably the only difference is that we might not, or at least, i won't be falling for you anymore. with this, i'll put a full stop on this chapter of my life. the chapter which once filled with wonderful memories but despair in the end. right now, i'll pray each day that you will find your true happiness and everything goes right in your life. i'll watch from the side, if possible, silently rooting for you in whatever challenges you'll face. and i'll move on with my life as well. soon, i guess. it's something i've decided already...
till then...
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